15 Causes Of Job Search Depression

Came across this article that sums thing up succinctly:

  1. Loss of control – sudden, traumatic change of having a great job one day and no job the next.
  2. Constant uncertainty of not knowing when the job search will end.
  3. The ever-continuing quest for acceptance that is a job search.
  4. Backlash of commiseration with other job seekers.
  5. Feeling of insignificance stemming from a lack of replies to your many cover letters and resumes sent out.
  6. Overwhelming ratio of rejection letters to positive replies.
  7. The new experience of your first time being unemployed.
  8. Being forced into a tough situation with no choice in the matter.
  9. The unease of having to do something that you were never taught in school or simply aren’t prepared for, i.e. a job search.
  10. The strain of managing personal finances after your main source of revenue is gone.
  11. Having to support a family or other dependents during a rough moment in your life.
  12. The realization that you might be depressed and not knowing how to the depression.
  13. The difficult need to deal with these feelings while still seeming upbeat in interviews and while networking.
  14. Envying friends and family head out on vacation and enjoying life while you’re required to continue the unending search.
  15. Unemployment embarrassment – struggling to answer one of the most asked questions: “What do you do?”

Anyone who has been through job hunting while currently unemployed will surely be able to empathise with someone going through that situation.

It’s a funny thing. You can be financially secure, have supportive family and friends, and knowingly jumped into the choice of quitting your previous job… But the uncertainty and psychological impact of rejection can really mess with your mind.

 

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The Meaning Of Friendship

When I hit my 30s, it became an easy decision to weed out the toxic ‘friends’ in my life. In fact, it was a very natural thing to do. I was more confident of who I was and didn’t need to have a large circle of friends to boost my self-esteem. I knew I didn’t want toxic people to drag me down from having a happy life.

However, my husband is the complete opposite. He only shines when he’s with friends, and withers if he doesn’t have a social outing every weekend. He won’t turn down going out with people even if they are the most cheapskate cheaters who has annoyed him time and time again.

I remember one incident where a particular ‘good’ girl friend of his sold us tickets that she got for FREE. And it’s not as if we really wanted the tickets. We were only helping her out as she seemed desperate to let go of them. We only realised what she had done when we looked at our tickets and they said ‘complimentary’.

To me, that would have been a deal breaker because she deliberately cheated a friend of money. She never once told us they were free tickets and she was trying to make money out of them. As for my husband, he was ticked off but the thought of avoiding her in future never even crossed his mind.

Once, when I was fed up with a selfish friend who had pushed too far, I told my husband I was going to dump her as a friend. He said, “Don’t la. Friends for so long already.” To me, that was not a good reason. To be honest, I had already prolonged the friendship due to that but it had reached a certain point where that didn’t matter anymore.

I wonder if this getting-rid-of-toxic-friends is a woman thing? I’ve frequently seen it in women’s magazines and online articles written by females, but I’ve never even heard of a guy mentioning it. Do women take their friendships too seriously? These days I see so many posts on FB from other women who loudly declare they are BESTIES and BFFs and they are so BLESSED to have this girl friend in their life, and so on. And the next thing you know, they’re no longer talking to each other! What a joke!

Gangland Dreams

It’s been a while since I had such a vivid dream like the one I had last night, so I’m going to pen it down:

A mentor of mine was the gang leader and passed the baton to me when he stepped down. Being only a young-ish woman, it was thought I wouldn’t get the respect and discipline I needed. My mentor even had a phone conversation with one of the seniors in the gang, hinting that he thought I would never be as good as he was. However, I was strong and many respected me as the leader. I loved being in this position and didn’t falter in my ambitions once.

There was an internal group that opposed me, and I held secret meetings (in my parents’ old house’s bathroom…) to discuss how to overthrow them. The meetings never stayed secret long though, and a few of the opposing members threatened me in a sexual manner. I especially feared one – Furio from The Sopranos – because I knew he was not afraid of consequences. Another guy got confused while threatening me because his emotions started to seep in.

Being in a position of leadership, people from the public blamed me for a string of grievances. Only 2 were true; the rest were all rubbish and I did not hesitate to dismiss them brusquely. Of the true stories, one was a woman who was angry that I had had an affair with her husband some years ago. They currently had 2 sons and she was also pregnant again. I wanted to make peace with her and I eventually did succeed with my sincerity.

During one of our times together, her husband pretended his hand had been sliced off. As this was something that happened commonly during gang activities, I believed it to be true and my chest started hurting as it does in real life when I get stressed.

It hurt more and more, and I woke up.

4 A.M. Food Thoughts

Can’t really sleep tonight, so shall rank my favourite Singaporean dishes. If I know I’m going to die like within a month, I’ll make sure I’ll go 2 rounds each:

  1. Kuay chap
  2. Chicken rice
  3. Nasi lemak
  4. Satay bee hoon
  5. Chicken curry mee
  6. Indian rojak
  7. Char kuay teow
  8. Bak kut teh
  9. Black carrot cake
  10. Salted egg crab
  11. Sambal lala
  12. Tau huay
  13. Fish head curry
  14. Seafood horfun
  15. Teochew porridge

Halfway while writing this list, I changed my mind about going 2 rounds… I think 1 round is enough because there’re still sooo many good local dishes to eat! OK, so some ‘consolation prizes’:

  • Laksa
  • Wanton mee
  • Crispy squid
  • Satay with awesome peanut sauce
  • Ipoh horfun
  • Mee siam
  • Chicken penyet
  • Teh tarik
  • Roti prata
  • Yong tau foo

Now I really feel like eating them all! Dammit. Stomach’s unhappy at 4 a.m.

*Click Click*

Don’t you think that girls who smile without ever showing any teeth are unhappy? In fact, they look like they are in pain. Or constipated.

Geez… Just let go & grin widely & laugh!! Life’s too short to fail at acting chio!

It’s All About Looking Younger

I always hate it when girls in their 20s moan about how OLD they are getting. They have no idea what they’re talking about! As a woman in my 30s, I’m not ready to LOOK old yet although my face and body have different ideas… and it can only get worse. Here’s what I have done to make my face look younger:

1) Regular maintenance – face masks almost every night and facials every 3 weeks. Also, lash perm and eyebrow embroidery whenever needed.

2) Aesthetic surgery – double eyelid surgery to lift up my eyes, especially the droopy lids at the end of the eyes which get more obvious with age.

3) Injections – botox on forehead and frown lines, and just started sculptra to remove the signs of saggy cheeks aka the granny bulldog cheeks.

Thankfully I don’t really have wrinkles elsewhere besides my forehead (which was a problem since young due to strong muscles) so that helps quite a bit.

“Ageing gracefully” is such a sensitive topic. For me – and I believe for a lot of women – there’s a lot of pressure on looking younger once you hit your 30s. Some put in effort to slow down the appearance of ageing, while others have blind hope. I also know of others in denial about their lost youth. Do you know the type? The ones who keep on openly declaring how young they look and people mistaking them to be younger, etc. but who actually look kinda auntie leh. What I really do think is that… unless you’re that 0.000001% of the population blessed with incredible genes, not only do you need clean eating and regular exercise, most likely you need some work at the clinic to look ‘younger than your age’.

Strangely though, I’m not sure why Singaporeans are still so conservative about any type of aesthetic procedures even if they’re just non-invasive injections. You can hear the keyboard warriors banging away on their keyboards even on just the topic of botox. What is it about plastic surgery that riles up all these cavemen? Is it a sense of feeling cheated? In that case, shouldn’t they hate all women who use make-up?

I definitely think it’s okay to get clinical help to “age gracefully”. I think many old-fashioned people don’t realise the amount of “behind-the-scenes” procedures that help older celebrities look the way they do.

But no matter what, we must appreciate the looks we have now, because future us will look back and wistfully wish for our current looks. And it will go on and on…

I’m NOT A Material Girl

Interestingly, despite having a postgraduate degree in Advertising and starting my career in Marketing, I never fell prey to the consumerism culture that pervades our society. I definitely don’t hanker over branded bags, salivate at diamonds, or yearn for the newest gadgets.

I choose a simple life and only spend on necessities or experiences that make me richer. I believe in giving my love to people and not to… things.

In a consumerist city like Singapore, you can’t walk 2 steps without bumping into another materialistic idiot. Hence, one thing that I haven’t been able to say out loud within my own social network is that I think people who lust for branded goods are just STUPID. Let me say it loud and clear here in my own private blog – people who are a slave to material goods are SHALLOW. They are like SHEEP.

It is so silly that some girls spend several thousands on branded bags, then lament they don’t have money. Or think it’s something worth showing off on Facebook. No, it’s really not because now you’ve let a bag make you who you are (“Look at me! I’m an LV kind of girl!”), rather than you make your clothes work for you (“I’m a sexy, confident woman, and this LBD shows it.”).

Also, what’s the point of bragging about it on Facebook or Instagram? Don’t bullshit that you’re sharing your happiness. The clear fact is you’re trying to incite envy. You’re trying to validate your self-worth with ‘Likes’. I cannot roll my eyes any more without them popping out of my head.

I also dislike it when richer folk I come across complain about how hard it is to maintain their standard of living, and start blaming the gahmen. I cannot fathom why they cannot see their own fortunate situation, and that they somehow think that buying more and more will satisfy them. It never will, because the problem does not lie with the number of things they can buy (it is limitless!), but rather, the problem lies in themselves.

I’m thankful my close circle of friends are not like that. Of course, likely they are my close friends because they are not like that. Some of them come from wealthy backgrounds, but no one ever cares about mundane things like branded bags or clothes. Everyone is humble. We love celebrating achievements, milestones in life, traveling, getting fit, hobbies, etc. That’s the way our lives should be.

The Importance Of Being Faithful

I’ve got infidelity on my mind.

Don’t know if I am naive for still feeling shocked and disappointed whenever I find out a friend has been cheating on his/her spouse. I don’t always find out by their confessions. Sometimes it’s through clues or text messages that I wasn’t supposed to see.

Truly, it’s not always unhappy partners who cheat. A lot of decent, down-to-earth people give in to temptation. Frankly, I only know of one attention-seeking tramp who was still having her secret affairs just after her wedding. The rest were people you never imagined would hurt their partners.

Don’t people believe in the sanctity of marriage? I would never risk jeopardizing what I have for someone who would not be worthy of what my husband has given me these past years. Why don’t others believe in this too? Why don’t they believe in doing what’s right rather than what’s easy?

Do you know what’s really frightening? Many of the men I knew who were cheating did so while their wives were pregnant. How sad is that… so heartbreaking that the husband is having an affair when they’re just about to start their own family.

Sometimes I feel like taking their spouses by their shoulders and shaking them. “Don’t you see??” I would scream. “Can’t you tell what’s going on?!” But I don’t. Because they’re in the dark and happy in their ignorance. I secretly wish they would read this one day and realise I’m talking about them, but that’s just about the extent I would go.

Goodbye Dear Friend

Yesterday I said my last goodbye to one of the sweetest girl friends who left us too soon and too sudden. 2 weeks after she gave birth to her baby boy, she jumped in the middle of the night. Her family told us it was due to postnatal depression.

All of us who knew her were shocked to say the least. She was a demure, kind, steady, and calm lady who never had any sort of emotional outburst at work, so we found this extremely hard to accept. I think she was the last person we expected to have ended her life…

She was around the same age as me, and used to sit beside me when I worked at my previous company. Like any desk buddies, we would chitchat on slow days, and go out for lunch together sometimes. I think of her smile and her words, and I can’t believe she is gone.

I keep imagining her at the window before she jumped, enveloped in dark thoughts, and just can’t reconcile that same image to the girl I knew. How can it be?? What sort of crazy disease is depression that it can so completely take over the mind of a person??

Such a tragedy… All the more because she left behind a husband and a 2-week-old. The heart can barely take it in.

Nowhere To Go

I mentioned before that I’m comfortable going out to explore on my own. Unfortunately, I’ve run out of places to explore in Singapore. I have read all the enthusiastic articles with long lists of things to do in Singapore and nothing entices me anymore. If I’ve not done something on the list, it’s because it doesn’t interest me, e.g. museums, shopping, and cafe-hopping.

It’s not that Singapore is boring. Rather, after 30 plus years with active exploration on my part in the last decade, I can’t find anywhere else to go now. No need to ask if I’ve been to the Kranji farms, Jurong Bird Park, MacRitchie TreeTop Walk, Sungei Boloh Wetland Reserve, or done zip-lining, Segway, shooting, archery, etc.: I’ve even visited the deserted Singapore Discovery Centre! However, I draw the line at visiting Haw Par Villa and Snow City… because they’re quite sad places la.

Maybe it’s time to explore Malaysia, even though I’ve held back due to issues of safety and cheating. I will think about it.