The Meaning Of Friendship

When I hit my 30s, it became an easy decision to weed out the toxic ‘friends’ in my life. In fact, it was a very natural thing to do. I was more confident of who I was and didn’t need to have a large circle of friends to boost my self-esteem. I knew I didn’t want toxic people to drag me down from having a happy life.

However, my husband is the complete opposite. He only shines when he’s with friends, and withers if he doesn’t have a social outing every weekend. He won’t turn down going out with people even if they are the most cheapskate cheaters who has annoyed him time and time again.

I remember one incident where a particular ‘good’ girl friend of his sold us tickets that she got for FREE. And it’s not as if we really wanted the tickets. We were only helping her out as she seemed desperate to let go of them. We only realised what she had done when we looked at our tickets and they said ‘complimentary’.

To me, that would have been a deal breaker because she deliberately cheated a friend of money. She never once told us they were free tickets and she was trying to make money out of them. As for my husband, he was ticked off but the thought of avoiding her in future never even crossed his mind.

Once, when I was fed up with a selfish friend who had pushed too far, I told my husband I was going to dump her as a friend. He said, “Don’t la. Friends for so long already.” To me, that was not a good reason. To be honest, I had already prolonged the friendship due to that but it had reached a certain point where that didn’t matter anymore.

I wonder if this getting-rid-of-toxic-friends is a woman thing? I’ve frequently seen it in women’s magazines and online articles written by females, but I’ve never even heard of a guy mentioning it. Do women take their friendships too seriously? These days I see so many posts on FB from other women who loudly declare they are BESTIES and BFFs and they are so BLESSED to have this girl friend in their life, and so on. And the next thing you know, they’re no longer talking to each other! What a joke!

Gangland Dreams

It’s been a while since I had such a vivid dream like the one I had last night, so I’m going to pen it down:

A mentor of mine was the gang leader and passed the baton to me when he stepped down. Being only a young-ish woman, it was thought I wouldn’t get the respect and discipline I needed. My mentor even had a phone conversation with one of the seniors in the gang, hinting that he thought I would never be as good as he was. However, I was strong and many respected me as the leader. I loved being in this position and didn’t falter in my ambitions once.

There was an internal group that opposed me, and I held secret meetings (in my parents’ old house’s bathroom…) to discuss how to overthrow them. The meetings never stayed secret long though, and a few of the opposing members threatened me in a sexual manner. I especially feared one – Furio from The Sopranos – because I knew he was not afraid of consequences. Another guy got confused while threatening me because his emotions started to seep in.

Being in a position of leadership, people from the public blamed me for a string of grievances. Only 2 were true; the rest were all rubbish and I did not hesitate to dismiss them brusquely. Of the true stories, one was a woman who was angry that I had had an affair with her husband some years ago. They currently had 2 sons and she was also pregnant again. I wanted to make peace with her and I eventually did succeed with my sincerity.

During one of our times together, her husband pretended his hand had been sliced off. As this was something that happened commonly during gang activities, I believed it to be true and my chest started hurting as it does in real life when I get stressed.

It hurt more and more, and I woke up.